Prozak Nation
Mm--my insurance ran out, just as my new meds needed filling. ...Great timing, thanks guys. So apparently, without the benefit of those co-pays, it costs over five hundred a month for me to stay (relatively) sane. I can't help shaking the feeling that I'm not exactly getting my money's worth. Went to my cousin Danielle's bridal shower yesterday, made nice with all sorts of relatives whose names I've never remembered. Danielle's absolutely glowing, my poor overworked cousin Amanda is distressingly stressed (medical majors will do that, though), and my dearest/closest cousin Jackie is thinner than me. ...There's always been a somewhat unspoken competition between my cousins and I. And well, they've always been the victors by miles. They've all been better behaved, prettier, more succesesful, happier, and sweeter--does Jackie really have to be thinner too? I'm honestly not even sure I'd want to be as slim as she is, the girl's positively skeletal. ...But there's this tiny (not really) fucked up part of me that's just dying of envy--I can't help but feel obscenely huge next to her slight self. I realize this isn't terribly rational of me, I try to look at things in perspective--but those feelings of disgust are practically unshakable. Hopefully, one day soon, these slightly delusional thoughts will melt away, even if I have to haul out a flame thrower to get it started. Mmm, enough complaining for the day. I'm going to go pamper myself into a better mood. ...Love you all.
Current Mood: 
jealousCurrent Music: Perfect, Alanis Morrisette 
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